Hot and Stymied
A couple of nights ago, McHotty and I were getting it on. We’d greased the wheels, and were about to get in gear. McHotty, naked, runs to my dresser drawer to grab a condom:
Drawer opened, scramble, scramble, drawer closed. Flummoxed pause.
I don’t like the sound of that.
“Maybe the condoms are in your drawer,” I offer, hopefully.
Open, scramble, sigh, close. “Shit.”
“Did you look under the bed?” I ask, testily.
McHotty sticks his head under the bed.
“No! Just an empty wrapper. And a lot of books.”
Hmmm. What books! I must clean under the bed, I think.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I say.
“Um, no.” McHotty, plaintively.
Naked, I leap into action and scour dresser drawers. I reach under the bed. I even look under the mattress. Nada. I do a quick calculation what day of my cycle it is…day 9…-ish…I think.
“Fuck it. Go grab a handful of kleenex.”
Labels: flotsam and jetsam
posted by metro mama @ 8:35 AM
35 Comments:
i found your condoms over at BEth's site:
http://sothefishsaid.com
:)
(see this is why i love my iud!!)
spring is definitely in the air!
Day nine! You're brave, chicka.
Hahahaha!! Good stuff.
and thus the almost story of cakes part two....
You do realize this is how I became the MOTHER to three...(and I'm not even going to tell you how many times I conceived only to later miscarry...)
This is the reason we started buying in BULK at the friendly neighbourhood Costco...
Now we just revel in his Big V.
Hmmm..I'd remember the date if I were you ;)
HHAHAHAHAHA!Hilarious!!
Yes, I am very happy to have my IUD.
Heh. I bet I know what you stocked up on the next time you hit the store... ;-)
nancy: mchotty ran out and bought a couple dozen the very next day!
My comment got eaten, I think. Although if one comes up under 'my stream', that was me using a different Google account. This Google/Blogger hookup confuses me.
Anyway...yeah, I was just sayin' that maybe you should remember that date on your calendar, in case, maybe nine months or so down the road, you need to refer to it...
Very brave. Kgirl has it right.
Oh god, been there, done that!! MOSTLY, I've been fine. Except that one time. And we call him Brett now.
Good luck to you, man.
too funny.....
Can't say it any better than Kgirl.
Can't say it any better than Kgirl.
Can't say it any better than Kgirl.
we pull out at the last second...
I think they call it a sort of russian roulette.
nasty metro mama. what kind of a mother are you anyway....
you can make a condom out of kleenex ...?
wow. I'm calling you mcgyver mom from now on.
Living on the edge. I like it!
That's pretty balls-y. Maybe there will be a new blog baby in time for Christmas? ;)
What a hook! I just found your blog for the first time. Now I'll be checking back regularly for the bump announcement!
omg... how did it take me so long to find your blog?!
FABULOUS!
LOL! A lot of babies are made that way...
I would be so mad at my husband.
I do believe we had a close call one time but one was recovered from the back of the sock drawer.
You are brave.
WE can thank that VERY THING for The Boy. And we are thankful for him, so it all worked out just fine.
Desperate times, desperate measures, eh?
Been there, done that, more times than I'd like to admit. If you're in a good mood, it can be creative fodder, I suppose.
And kgirl's comment made me laugh out loud.
I'm with s@bd--how do you make a condom out of Kleenex?
Wouldn't it become all mushy rather quickly?
That's funny!!
My line during those times was - "don't worry, ain't nuthin' going to happen sexy woman - trust me!"
Then our daughter showed up...
You are so funny.
And brave.
:)
I prefer old towels and socks.
heh.
Ooh, now, that's the kind of thing that can come back to bite you in the belly! What, no Syran Wrap in the kitchen?
Oh, I hate when that happens!
Hmmm, this narrative sounds familiar...
That was a fun read!
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