metro mama

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Absentminded (but sweet!) Husband

The other day I stepped into the backyard to do some reading. My mom had taken Cakes to the park, and McHotty was off to the gym. I was excited about a couple of hours of peace and quiet around the homestead. I got comfy on the patio, but a few minutes later had to pee. I impatiently went to the door. And it was locked.

I was locked outside, shoeless, braless and having to pee. I peered through the house to the front door and it was locked too. McHotty absentmindedly locked me out of the house. He’s usually gone more than two hours when he goes to the gym. Fuck.

Knowing my mother ALWAYS forgets to take her key, I decided I better figure something out (I could see Cakes’ diaper bag sitting on the counter, meaning they had no snacks, drinks or extra diapers). Luckily I had my cell phone with me (only because I had forgotten my watch up north and I needed to keep track of time). So I called my neighbours, and got their voicemail.

“Um [sheepish tone] we’re locked out of the house, and I don’t know the name of McHotty’s gym. Can you look in the yellow pages and call me back with the number?”

I left this embarrassing message on two neighbours’ voicemail as well as my mother-in-law’s. I don’t have many numbers in my cell phone as I rarely use it, and was running out of people to call. But since I used to work with k-girl I remembered her office number and gave her a call. She quickly hooked me up, and I called McHotty at the gym with a very curt request that he “get his fucking ass home”.

Luckily, he had given me these the day before (for our fourth anniversary):

How can you stay mad with those on your table?



Blogger Trenting said...

The flowers would definitely make me forget practically pissing my pants, even if they were before the lock out! :)

3:01 PM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

Ah, gorgeous.

Unrelated question: Do you find you get a lot of traffic from your "Bookmark" thingy? I've been wondering if it's worth adding.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Alley Cat said...

Nah, stay angry. See what else he brings you.

6:05 PM  
Blogger b*babbler said...

Beautiful gorgeous flowers.

Happy anniversary.

But definitely, make him pay just a *little* bit for locking you out.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Lisa b said...

Kgirl saves the day!
I really thought this story ended with you getting caught peeing in the backyard.

10:37 PM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

I was waiting for the "pee behind a bush ending", too.

Those flowers are breathtaking! What exquisite taste he has.

10:52 PM  
Blogger kgirl said...

sure, i'm such a good friend that i forgot to wish you a happy anniversary ;)

11:15 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

You made thorough use of your resources! Glad that you didn't end up caught behind a bush.

Happy Anniversary!

2:59 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Whew, at least you managed to get inside. How many neighbors called you back?

Oh, and happy anniversary!

8:42 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

Lovely flowers. I've locked myself out of my house too often to be mad at anyone else locking me out accidentally, I guess.

8:57 AM  
Blogger jen said...

it would be impossible to stay mad at those flowers. er, i mean the sender.

10:01 AM  
Blogger NotSoSage said...

You just can't. Beautiful.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Hooray for kgirl!!

Beautiful flowers.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Happy anniversary!!

Hooray for Kgirl!!

Boo on getting caught braless!! (HATE.)

2:17 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

Please don't hate me but I had to laugh at your story!

4:39 PM  
Blogger FENICLE said...

Now the classic moment would have been if the gym announced over the p.a. - "you wife would like you to get your fucking ass home!"


10:30 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

You don't know the name of his gym?

Strange considering he spends much of his time there getting all buffed up just for you...

10:52 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

Oh! and oh my gawd. Happy Anniversary!

10:52 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Oh I'd make him pay a bit more (but damn those are nice flowers and happy anniversary you crazy kids).

2:19 PM  
Blogger My name is Rima. said...

Those flowers are purdy.


I could stay mad. Think of how many more favors it could buy you!

5:29 PM  
Blogger petite gourmand said... sweet.
happy anniversary!

11:10 PM  
Blogger BOSSY said...

Bossy thinks they'd look better on, uh, her table.

11:06 AM  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

I locked myself out once and had to MacGyver myself back in.
That sucked...

1:00 PM  
Blogger Mommahbear. said...


Don't you have 4-1-1 where you live?


Love this story. I would have hated to be locked out braless, more than I would have been put out by having to pee. lol!

3:04 PM  
Blogger aimee / greeblemonkey said...

those are damn pretty flowers, though.

5:33 PM  

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