The Absentminded (but sweet!) Husband
The other day I stepped into the backyard to do some reading. My mom had taken Cakes to the park, and McHotty was off to the gym. I was excited about a couple of hours of peace and quiet around the homestead. I got comfy on the patio, but a few minutes later had to pee. I impatiently went to the door. And it was locked.
I was locked outside, shoeless, braless and having to pee. I peered through the house to the front door and it was locked too. McHotty absentmindedly locked me out of the house. He’s usually gone more than two hours when he goes to the gym. Fuck.
Knowing my mother ALWAYS forgets to take her key, I decided I better figure something out (I could see Cakes’ diaper bag sitting on the counter, meaning they had no snacks, drinks or extra diapers). Luckily I had my cell phone with me (only because I had forgotten my watch up north and I needed to keep track of time). So I called my neighbours, and got their voicemail.
“Um [sheepish tone] we’re locked out of the house, and I don’t know the name of McHotty’s gym. Can you look in the yellow pages and call me back with the number?”
I left this embarrassing message on two neighbours’ voicemail as well as my mother-in-law’s. I don’t have many numbers in my cell phone as I rarely use it, and was running out of people to call. But since I used to work with k-girl I remembered her office number and gave her a call. She quickly hooked me up, and I called McHotty at the gym with a very curt request that he “get his fucking ass home”.
Luckily, he had given me these the day before (for our fourth anniversary):
How can you stay mad with those on your table?