metro mama

Friday, January 30, 2009

Back to Reality

We’re home. The trip was lovely, and I’ll post about it with some pics in a day or two. But sadly, we came home to some bad news--my maternal Grandmother passed away on Sunday (yes, it was my maternal Grandfather who passed last year).

It is a relief in a way--she’s been bedridden for a very long time, and not herself for even longer. We were always very close. I lived with my Grandparents for a couple of years in my teens when my mother and I fought so much we couldn’t be under the same roof. Up until Cakes came along, we chatted on the phone for at least an hour each week. But the last few years those calls had become shorter and shorter. She didn’t have the strength to talk long, and couldn’t recall that we’d had the same conversation the previous week. I know her philosophy, and her former self-reliance; I know she’s been really, really ready to leave for a very long time. A very long time. I can only imagine how long these last two years had seemed to her. So I feel relief, for her sake and everyone else concerned, particularly my mother.

With this relief comes guilt (of course). We’d planned to visit the week before the trip and postponed because we were sick. I wish I’d taken Cakes a little more often. I’m sure this is a common reaction—as much as you did, you always think you should have done more, right?

On the bright side, Cakes is a little ray of sunshine. It ended up being a good thing she was with my mother when this happened (my mother, a former nurse, has devoted most of her energy to caring for her mother these past few years). Cakes was a very welcome distraction for her this week. I sure was glad to get home to her last night. We missed her fiercely on this trip. We were too busy to dwell during the previous two, but this time was different. The hotel was full of Mexican families, and the cute little kids gave me a pang, every time. I think next time we go away we’ll be doing Disney.

Tomorrow we’re off to Lindsay to see my mom, with dinner and flowers. Then we’re going to spend the rest of the weekend spoiling Cakes rotten, because I know my Grandmother. She wouldn’t want us to spend too much time mourning the dead; she would want us to make the most of every single minute, and I think I need a lot of minutes with my little girl right now.


Anonymous kate w said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I often feel sad about the last several years of my grandma's life, how I didn't really visit much and when I did we didn't have great conversation. But I think that's just how it goes when people age... the interaction may decrease, but the love is constant, and I think they know that. Thinking of you...

8:56 PM  
Blogger Mac and Cheese said...

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are already doing what you can to keep your spirits up, but my thoughts still go out to you and your family.

9:35 PM  
Blogger ewe are here said...

I'm sorry for your loss... but I suspect you're right: she'd want you to not focus on mourning but spending happy time with your wee girl.

10:25 AM  
Blogger ragdoll said...

My condolences. Grandmothers, especially maternal ones who have such a hand in raising you, are hard to lose. A big, squishy heart to you.

3:48 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

I'm sorry hon.

4:32 PM  
Blogger daysgoby said...

I'm sorry.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Don Mills Diva said...

Aww - sorry for your loss Julie.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Kyla said...

I'm sorry, Julie. Expected or not, loss is still difficult.

11:36 AM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

My thoughts are with you and your family, Julie.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Ms Blue said...

Heartfelt hugs.

I know those cute kid pangs. I get them on my trips away too. Hope you had a relaxing weekend with Cakes.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Lisa b said...

I'm so sorry about your Grandmother.
Spoiling Cakes is, I am sure, exactly what she would want.

7:33 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. The same thing happened to me a couple of years back - back from holiday to losing one grandmother and the othr about a week away from following her. it is guilt-inducing, but I'm glad your mom had Cakes to help her through. Thre is nothing therapeutic like little girl hugs. Hope they help you, too.

4:28 AM  

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