Labour of Love
Update: Thanks so much for your supportive comments; they really helped a lot. I'm so thankful I've kept up this blog now that I need it the most.
We're doing much better again since I posted this. He's back to eating every 2-3 hours, and the engorgment is better. I've learned that I really need to be rested and relaxed, and sit in the right chair. Cakes is away again until tomorrow night, and it's quieter around here. My iTouch is saving my sanity--now that some of the nursing sessions are marathon, I'm getting good at scrolling through tweets and blogs. Once I can nurse and hold a book at the same time, we'll be all set!
My initial jubilation is wearing a little thin. Though we’re doing infinitely better than last time, I’m amazed at just how fucking hard breastfeeding is. Day 1 was heartbreaking, waiting for milk to come in. Day 2 and 3 were horrible, with ridiculous engorgement (the poor boy was terrified at the sight of two torpedoes staring him in the face. Day 4 and 5 (when I posted below) were euphoric, with the two of us finally hitting our stride. Then, day 6 the little dude ATE ALL DAY. Seriously, out of 24 hours, I think he nursed about 20. I was trembling with exhaustion.
The last couple days have been really frustrating. After his gorge fest, he spent most of the next day sleeping, just rising for short little snacks, leaving me engorged again (I had to get out the breast pump). While he was latching on right away, now he’s fighting and squirming at each feed before he finally settles down. He grabs handfuls of my breast with his little claws, and kicks and screams. A 4 AM feeding took an hour and a half, with him only nursing for about 20 minutes of that time. It seriously makes me want to stab myself in the eye. I’ve tried pumping a few minutes before the feed, to make sure the milk is flowing. I’ve tried pumping for 10 minutes before the feed in case the flow is coming too fast. I’m really getting tired.
So, my friends, I need your comforting words. Tell me it was hard for you too, and it gets easier (when?) Remind me how rewarding breastfeeding can be. Any advice?
Labels: on motherhood