A Gal Needs Pals

When you have a baby, priorities change and certain aspects of your life suffer for it.

No, this post isn’t about sex. I’m talking about friendship.

I’ve always been reasonably good at keeping up with friends—they’re important to me. But, since Cakes came into my life, I’ve been letting things slide.

There are old friends who I never call or email, as much as I intend to. Plus, none of them live in the city. Cakes has two doting sets of grandparents and 4 great-parents, so we spend a lot of time visiting out-of-town. After meeting family obligations, there doesn’t seem to be much time or energy left for friends. I need to make more effort.

We have a hard time doing “couple” outings anymore. As you know, I am a routine nazi—we don’t keep Cakes out past seven. Plus, some of these friends also have babies now, so it’s doubly hard to coordinate schedules. We don’t have anyone in town who watches Cakes (that needs to change). When we do have someone here to watch her, we feel we should spend some alone time together.

I’m not the only one at fault. Some friends don’t call me anymore, now that I’m a mama. I don’t know if they assume I won’t be able to come out, but I will happily leave Papa and Cakes to some “quality time”.

Or, maybe they don’t think I’m busy at all…am I boring now I’m a mama?

I really miss my former colleagues. It's hard to go from seeing friends every day to not at all. They said they’d remember to call me when they were going for pints after work, but they haven’t all summer (if any of you are reading, this is a not-so-subtle hint).

I feel more affinity with other mothers now, and they tend to be the new people I meet. I’m not shy about meeting new people-- I will easily give someone my phone number at the park (I’m actually going to make up cards with my contact info because I’m tired of scrawling my number on old napkins…reminds me too much of my bar-hopping days). But while I’m good at making the first move, I suck at following up (some things never change). Also, these women have the same scheduling issues I do, so it’s hard to get one-on-one time with them. Plus, there is a tendency for too much baby talk sometimes when mamas get together. I’d like to have more non-mama friends too.

I think my babe is the most interesting person in the world—I still don’t want to talk about her all the time.

I think the blogosphere holds hope for me. The TO Mamas are going for pedis and martinis later this month. I’m sure there will be much to talk about beyond Ferber and Flanagan. We’ve all proven we have a lot to say.

And, I need my own little Scooby gang to help me chase the demons.

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. –Jane Austen