2006, You've Been Good To Me

He has spent his life best who has enjoyed it most. –Samuel Butler

The last day of the year coincides with my birthday. It is on this day I am usually my most emotional and introspective. There were a few miserable years I was very grateful to see the end of. There have been years when I’ve been determined the next one will be better: I’ll be a better person, have better luck, work harder. I often have mixed feelings about a year, and about myself. I like some things, loathe others. This year, for the first time in my life, I can reflect on the previous 364 days without ambivalence: this has been the happiest year of my life.

I am happy. Content. I have a daughter who delights and astounds me every day. I’m so proud of her it hurts. I have a husband whose patience and devotion never ceases to amaze me. I have a supportive and generous family, good friends, and a home I love. It’s been a very successful academic year. The list goes on-what a year it’s been.

I’m also more content about myself than I’ve ever been. I’m not making any resolutions: I’m pretty disciplined, so I’m already doing the things that are really important to me. There are many areas in which I could improve, but fuck it. I’m good enough. For now.

I’m happy where I am right now, and also so excited and optimistic about the year to come. My plans: try to make a new baby, start my MA, finally see Paris, Rome, and London. I think, with amazement, life could even get better. It could also get worse.

I’m writing this, not to brag, but to record how I feel, at this moment. I know how the wheel of fortune turns, and when it does, I want to look back on this and remind myself that I have known joy, good fortune, peace—and I recognized it when I had it.

As good as it gets.