metro mama

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Shut Up and Shtup Me

As married women, we often moan about the shortcomings of our sex lives–we tend to forget the upside of marital relations. After being married for a few years, there is a certain comfort level that makes up for the lack of the exciting, spine-tingling premarital sex of our youth. First and foremost, it sure is nice to have sex always available. Remember the droughts of our single days, when we didn’t know where our next poke was coming from? Do you miss the days of dating a new person and wondering how long was long enough to wait so he wouldn’t think you were easy? The worst part was when you waited and waited and he turned out to be a dud. Indeed, there are many benefits of married sex:

· he (hopefully) knows how to get you off by now; there is no need to explain what to do (or if you’re shy, simmer in silent frustration);

· it’s OK to tell him to wait until after Lost;

· you don’t worry about if you’ve had a pedicure lately, shaved your legs, and if you have nice underwear on;

· you’re not worried about making a good impression, so you can be the kind of lover you’re in the mood to be at the moment (aggressive/docile/generous/lazy);

· there’s no requirement to keep up the romance after the act—you can reach for your book, or go make a sandwich if you want.

The best part is, sex doesn’t always have to be a big production. A gal doesn’t always need an hour of foreplay (especially if she has been reading something racy or has just watched Prison Break). Sometimes a mama is horny but tired: it’s nice to be able to say, “honey, can you just shut up and shtup!”



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here, here! And it's not even Wednesday. Oh my! However it is a day for Tricks and Treats!

8:20 AM  
Anonymous ali said...

um...yeah...the husband and i have sex i'd say about 5-6 times a week (i know...he's certainly a lucky bugger, isn't he?) sometimes, i'm all about the "can we just shut up and do it tonight?!"

9:48 AM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

wow, you horny gals have lucky husbands. i'm more apt to say, 'shut up and please make me a cup of tea.'

9:54 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Pah. I always feel like I have to make a good impression because it's been so long... But maybe that's just me!

Fortunately Misterpie has admitted that he can't always expect me to be all shaven and sexy at all times just on the off chance, so I've let it slide a little.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

At least you're still putting out. Thanks for being so candid. All mamas seem to go through sex droughts and occasional tidal waves. My husband is still as horny as the day we first took the plunge (that sounds cheesy but you know what I mean) and I'm practically verging on a-sexual these non-horny days. Too tired to care for much, even when he's more than willing to please me w/o reciprocation. Is that a sign of depression. Who knows? It's like anything else that takes our time, once you get it going, you're glad you did. Especially after a sweet finale.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Mamalooper said...

Check your email...

4:51 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

That last one!!! YES!!! Absolutely the best part (except, maybe, waiting until after Lost.)

8:30 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Ah yes, there is nothing quite like the post coital ham sandwich.

btw, I love that you used the word "Shtup". ;)

8:37 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

Tee hee! You said "shtup"! Yes, that last one is, indeed, the best part. But, then again, it's nice if sex is at least once in a while a big production....

9:40 PM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Yes. The live-in lovin'. Good times.

2:41 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

HAHAHA! Love this post. Recently, my wife told me to wait after Lost. Even more recently, I told her we needed to do it quickly because SportsCenter was starting soon.

Ain't married life grand?

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

I'm in awe of Ali (5 or 6 times a WEEK? Really?) because unfortunately I am more like Domestic Slackstress. I'm just too damn tired for the whole big production, yet not horny enough for the quickie. Maybe I should start watching Prison Break.

5:36 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

i am LMFAO @ the where our next poke is coming from... lol

9:14 PM  
Blogger jennster said...

i am LMFAO @ the where our next poke is coming from... lol

9:14 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

mmmmm....Prisonbreak and then sex. Yes. Then roll over and make that damn grocery list.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Heehee. Love this. And yes, I know what you mean. I don't want to cuddle afterwards, I want to SLEEP. Or eat...

12:10 AM  
Blogger creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

How funny! Complete relate here. It's sad, yet funny.

"Prison Break"???

2:37 AM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Ali: holy shit! what's your secret?

Tony: several of us have a crush on Michael Scofield from Prison Break.

domestic slackstress: you should try to once a week minimum sex strategy we've adopted. It works!

7:42 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

Tee hee!

I love this one- "Hey, the baby is napping, and the older one is downstairs reading, I think we have at least 3 minutes, wanna go?"

12:42 AM  
Blogger MommyWithAttitude said...

Hilarious-- I was just thinking about this the other day... it's true what you lose in excitement you more than make up for in convenience. One of the highlights of married life was when I realized that my husband doesn't even NOTICE (let alone care) if I've shaved my legs in the last MONTH even... Lucky me!

3:54 PM  

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