metro mama

Friday, November 17, 2006

Big Papa: The Single Mother

Big Papa has kindly stepped up to the plate while I toil away at term papers.

***

Cakes is 18 months old and I am still not exactly sure what hit me. There was a time when I could sit on the couch and watch TV, sleep in, go out with the guys for beers, and have the freedom to do whatever, whenever.

As we all know, those days are gone. At the end of the day, instead of enjoying a glass of wine, I need a glass of wine. Yet, I have it so easy compared to most, especially the single mother.

When I am home, I have Cakes for half the day. The other half is usually taken up with an errand, or something on the “to do” list, but there is usually some “me” time in there somewhere. What does a single mother do? How does she cope?

Not only single mothers, but moms who have husbands who are away a lot, or don’t cook. I often wonder how my mom coped raising three kids, and doing all of the housework?

As well, we have the added advantage of a secure income, which will allow Metro Mama to stay home, and be a career student! We’re not going to be moving to Forest Hill anytime soon, but the bills get paid and there is food on the table.

What about someone less fortunate who does have to worry about that, or who might get laid off, or has to work a couple of jobs, so ends can meet? I can only imagine what that is like, and my hat goes off to them.

BP

***

It's me, metro again.

Check out the new and improved Mommy Blogs Toronto. The brainchild of Catherine and Tania, the site will feature regular columns from several local bloggers.



My column, Mom About Town will explore the city’s cultural offerings, deciding what works with baby, and when to leave baby at home. I’ll also talk about books, film and lots of other good things.

Check out my first post, Brunching with Baby and share your best brunch spots.

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17 Comments:

Anonymous Heidi said...

Hey you - first time posting on your website - fab blog!

I am a single mommy 3 weeks out of 4 - my husband works in mining is on a 3/1 FIFO roster (Fly In/Fly Out)...but at least I know he is coming back...

But I do have a taste of what is like -- you just CANNOT get away from your kids and you rapidly get 'desocialised' when all you see is work, grocery store, swimmig lessons, tennis lessons, car, daycare...

I have to learn to take some time for me!

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've also wondered how single parents manage, because not only do they have to worry about watching their kids they have to worry about supporting them. I'm in awe at those who raise their kids by themselves, either out of choice or necessity.

Like you, we're lucky that my husand makes enough money for me to stay at home with our boy, now 18 months. And, even thought I'm a SAHM for the time being, we're actually trying to place him, as I write, in a part-time nursery school program for 2-3 half days a week because (1) we think it will be good for him to have a structured program once in a while, (2) I need a bit of a break, chasing a toddler around all day while pregnant can be tiring!, and (3) we think it will be good that he has his 'own thing' to go to and enjoy when the baby comes in March. By finding a good part-time program now, we're hoping he won't feel as displaced as he might otherwise.

Ooo...naptime appears to be over. Bye!

9:11 AM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

I, like Heidi above, am married to a traveling man (although he isn't gone 3 our 4 weeks.) When my son was little I remember being in the car one time when Paul was gone and practically crying and thinking I didn't know what I would do if I had to do it alone all the time.

It did give me more compassion for my mom who was a single mom struggling to make ends meet on a secretary's salary.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was pregnant, I wondered how single women could be pregnant. It was crazy how unprepared I was for how difficult the pregnancy would be. Then when The Boy actually arrived, my admiration for single mothers went through the roof.
It is actually one of the only things that makes we genuinely mad at men - where the hell are these fathers? They have no clue. So, hats off to you Metro Papa. Men like you rock.

10:22 AM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

Three cheers for Metro Papa.

Like some of the other commenters, I am a part-time single mom. During the snowy months my man is gone for several weeks a months filming and even when he is here in the non snowy monts we only see him on weekends. So I carry most of the load and decisions and its tough. But it would be so much tougher if I was completely and really a single mom who had to support myself and all of the other complicated things that go along with it.

10:48 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I so hear you BP - I think of that often and am totally in awe of how my mom did it. Until I was five, she was not only a single mom, but also in university and on coop terms in a really demanding programme, had me in coop daycare which meant more of her time, and had to find some money somewhere too, though I know we some months survived on powdered milk, oatmeal, and tinned sardines. This is exactly why it makes me so angry when people are happy to look down on struggling moms - they have it tough enough already, they don't need to be snubbed and guilted too.

Good for you for being one of the ones with the smarts and the heart to see how lucky we are!

11:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too wonder how the single mother does it. Hopefully she has a loving support network that she can count on for relief. Parenting is hard without the added stress of doing it alone.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

I don't know how single moms who work do it. I pretty much do everything --because Josh works a lot of hours -- but, I don't work 9-5....

4:07 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

My hat is off to single moms. I couldn't do it either.

And LOVE "Guess How Much I Love You." So very sweet.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh and that's how we got the nickname for our little guy... He was "little bunny" in utero from the book. And the nickname evolved from there. Now he's "The bun" or "Bunny."

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am one those ones married to a man that cannot cook,do laundry,or take of a sick kid.

He is gone two or three nights a week for business.

He is one of these men that have the idea women in the home and he works outside of it and around the house sort of.

I am used to it and think would be most upset if he decided to cook or wash now.Have my own way of doing things.

But he is good in other way's l have time to go out,do things with friends.

But some day's l feel like a single mom.

8:53 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Yeah, I often feel like a "single mom with a husband" because ... well, I'm responsible for 99.9% of the child care, but that's okay, my husband works his ass off so I can stay home. And he'd switch places with me in a second if my earning potential was higher than his.

9:01 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

I think it is pretty hard for the single parents I know. Add to the stress a usually acrimonious relationship with the ex and trying to figure out how to meet someone again.
Although Mr Transam had and has great hours and is very on in terms of co parenting, getting time for me was almost impossible for the first 3 years of each of my children's lives. Trying on anyone....

9:25 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Metro Mama - congrats on the new column! I wish I lived closer by so that I could try out some of the places.

11:58 PM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

What a refreshing and enlightened point of view Metro Papa has - I'm very impressed!

Good luck on the papers...I don't know how you find the time!

7:58 PM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

PS - I would love to do a playdate sometime in December! I have the week off between Christmas and New Years, otherwise, weekends are fairly open.

Did you used to live in The Village?

11:26 PM  
Blogger jen said...

i wonder the same thing all the time..how do they do it? and with multiples at that.

women never cease to amaze.

2:05 PM  

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