metro mama

Friday, November 10, 2006

Tell All

I love the momosphere, but one thing that gets me down sometimes is the disproportion of bad news to good. I do think one of the most important functions of the momosphere is to be able to talk about our problems and hurts and share the challenges of motherhood; however, we shouldn’t limit ourselves to that. While we have no problem sharing our insecurities as mothers, we do seem to have a problem congratulating ourselves when we get something right. We don’t like to share when something fortuitous happens—we don’t want to brag. Like Urban Mommy said recently, we tend to downplay our successes. Also, considering blogging as art, in the momosphere we tend to place higher value on the angsty or controversial posts than on the celebratory, or funny. This isn’t always true (I’m excited about Mommy Off the Record's new ROFL award) but is often the case.

I guess we don’t want to rub it in when things are going well for us; for example, I tend to downplay how well Cakes sleeps (my secret is out with the Toronto mommies). But you know what? That’s part of my motherhood experience. I want my blog to represent my life honestly. I know there are at least three childless women reading this—I don’t want them to get the impression motherhood is a complete hardship. More importantly, I’d like to share some of my stories with Cakes one day—there should be some good stories to share.

So, if you’re inclined, write a post (or comment here) about part of motherhood that is easier than you thought it would be, or something really exciting going on in your life right now. Don’t worry, we won’t think you’re bragging.

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46 Comments:

Blogger penelopeto said...

i love being a mom, it's not hard for me. i love comitting to a child and extoling her virtues. seriously.

i take the good with the bad (news that is), when reading posts, but you know? i tend to post pretty positive stuff. snarky, sarcastic, irreverent and lewd, perhaps, but fairly positive.
maybe you should start reading me ;)

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try to write about the positive stuff as much as I can. Some might take it as, well, like you say, bragging. But it's really just happy stuff that I want to remember. I *want* the happy stuff to outweigh the unhappy stuff in the memory book of life, and writing the happy stuff down also helps me remember that life is actually pretty good.

This comes in especially handy when my toddler is screaming his head off at me at the top of his lungs. How do they get so loud? ;-)

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try to write about the positive stuff as much as I can. Some might take it as, well, like you say, bragging. But it's really just happy stuff that I want to remember. I *want* the happy stuff to outweigh the unhappy stuff in the memory book of life, and writing the happy stuff down also helps me remember that life is actually pretty good.

This comes in especially handy when my toddler is screaming his head off at me at the top of his lungs. How do they get so loud? ;-)

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aagh! Sorry about double post. Blogger acting up!

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aagh! Sorry about double post. Blogger acting up!

9:18 AM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

Metro, you are a breath of fresh air.

Yesterday I watched Little Girl and her friend gaze in wonder at a ladybug on the school fence. Their tiny fingers gently coaxing it onto their hands, and the show and share with the other children. Gasps, giggles, oohs and ahhs. And then the ladybug flew away, and they all looked up into the sky , mouths hanging open, eyes of wonder....
And we, the parents, and caregivers, stood and stared at them with the same wonder.
Sleepless nights, sore nipples, weight gain, stress, all worth those magical moments.

9:32 AM  
Blogger petite gourmand said...

So true.
It gets a little depressing reading about all the negative aspects to having a child.
There's definitely more good than bad with us.
Lulu is pure delight.
Nothing is more infectious than the sound of her laughter and giggles.
It's THE best.
Letting us change her diaper these days...not so much...
oops-negative...

9:51 AM  
Blogger Mamacita! said...

I'm in your boat - there's good, there's bad, it's all part of it...I try to take the pulse of my postings every now and again, and if I'm overdue for some fun-times-happy-stuff, I even the count with some gratuitous Garcon pictures. Because on the whole, my experience is more positive than not.

Here's my brag moment: Garcon is a spectacular sleeper, truly...and started sleeping through the night so early, I don't even talk about it for fear of bad karma on future Baby #2.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant!

It's so true and I can't tell you how many times outside of blogging when I've mentioned something positive about motherhood where I've been shut down. "Oh don't tell anyone else that or everyone will hate you." Sure it is said half jokingly but you can't help but take it to heart.

My heart has been exploding like fireworks because Strawberry's favourite new saying is "You're the best mummy." She plays dress up with my shoes and today she got so excited that I was wearing a pair that she really likes and declared "You're bootiful."

11:58 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I like posting the great moments because I treasure them and want to hold on to them, but it's true that I post sometimes about the why-me moments, too.

I just love the way she keeps amazing me with the language and knowledge that she is sponging up from every source. I love how excited she was about the Royal Winter Fair last night, her faith that mommies fix things, her sweetness. She just keeps on amazing me.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Mamalooper said...

Although the transition to mom turned out to be much, much more of a challenge that I ever expected, I feel that I have really hit my stride as a mom. As Monkeygirl's mom. I love making her happy. I love the two of us hanging out together. I love running errands with her. There is nothing sweeter than being out somewhere with her and she is playing and looks up to catch my eye and we just have these silly grins for each other. Cartoon hearts floating between us.

And I am lucky because she is a happy girl, a good eater (will try anything once <--- so far, hah!), and good napper girl.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Food and sleep aside, I'm finding playtime a hoot when I thought that it was going to bore me silly. Bumper is fun and easy going which makes life easier. I do love being a mom even though I do b*tch sometimes (okay - often ;)

12:11 PM  
Blogger Gabriella said...

it is hard to focus on the positive sometimes, negative thoughts often have this way of taking over. my posts unfortunately do often focus on negative or sad thoughts. Except for the happy shots of Samantha. I must admit that, like MB above, food and sleep issues aside Samantha is a pretty happy girl and does bring many smiles to my face.
Oh and the exciting thing happening in our house is we're going to Vegas in early December!

1:28 PM  
Anonymous ali said...

we spoke briefly about this at your house...the husband always complains that i NEVER write about the good stuff. i guess it's because part of my blog is a place to vent and complain about the things that i don't want to complain about in real life. it's a place for people to say "hey, i've been there" or why don't you try these great teething drops??

i really should write about the good things...because there are lots of those too.

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good point. Two things that are easier than I thought... (but not sleep) I thought I'd get bored playing with Swee'pea but every single thing he does amazes me, even just figuring out how to you pick things up between his pointer finger and thumb. And we're lucky that he's pretty adaptable and portable. We can take him (touch wood)just about anywhere and he's mostly happy and curious and interested. He just doesn't sleep unless he's in our arms or our bed. That part's hard.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Lisa b said...

Today I feel like mother of the year. This morning I took the girl to art class which she loves AND we me RAFI, yes that Rafi. Then we had lunch at Grano and she was perfecly behaved.
Then she threw herself down on the sidewalk on the way home but I just smiled at the people passing by. They must have been moms too bc they could barely keep a straight face.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think most people are willing to write about the happy times with their children - especially cute or sweet moments that they want to remember. But what is much less common is people blogging about moments when they felt good about themselves as a mother (as mothers? I can never figure that one out, despite the fact that I am the owner of at least twelve different guides to grammar).

You should check out peanutbuttersmum:

http://karynrylan.blogspot.com/

She has a regular "what I did right" feature, not because she's all happy-happy-joy-joy but I think because she's clearly not.

3:37 PM  
Blogger sunshine scribe said...

This is such a good point. Lately I have been a big downer but I try regularly to really celebrate being a mom and gush about the cute and amazing things my son does.

4:14 PM  
Blogger penelopeto said...

b&p - as mothers.

themself as a mother.

5:46 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

sunshine: I do think it's amazing to be able to share the dark days. That's what we're here for. I also love your posts about your son (especially the ones with audio). Many of us do write about the proud moments. Bub and Pie summed it up best--I guess what I'm criticizing is the reluctance to write about being happy or proud about ourselves (myself included).

all: thanks for your great stories! keep 'em coming.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

Motherhood and Easy, huh? Well, I don't know that it qualifies as easy. This falls more along the lines of what I am appreciate for: my son does most of his own laundry! Whoopee!

I think the thing I do best as a parent is spend time trying to understand my kids from the inside out. I'm so into personality and motivations and history. I want my kids to know that I understand them.

As far as me personally? I've had a lot of challenges this year and have been a little insecure about my parenting lately, but in general, I've got it pretty good and I feel pretty good about myself. I have worked hard on my self-esteem over the last many years and it really has worked. I am not the same person I used to be--for the better.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I do brag a little from time to time. As difficult as Cordy can be sometimes, I'm very proud of how good she is most of the time. She plays well by herself, she is a happy child, and she happily goes to bed for naps and bedtime.

I think we should celebrate our successes more. We all worry about making it look easy and disappointing new moms, who will just think we're covering up the truth, but I think moms need to see that it isn't all struggle and guilt.

Great idea!

10:50 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Great post, Metro Mama!

I also try to write more about the good stuff. I figure that starting to forget the harder parts is ok, especially if I want to be convinced to have baby #2 someday. ;)

5:05 AM  
Blogger nomotherearth said...

You're absolutely right, we could use more of the positive. Lately, I've been looking at the blog as a place to unload but I originally wanted it to be a record of both good and bad. Thanks for the poke in the ribs!

The Boy has turned into an excellent sleeper (averaging about 11 hours, knock on wood), which has turned my life around. For the first 4 mths or so, we had 4 hours in one hour timeslots. What a difference!

Other things I love is how he always has to sit in my lap to read stories, how he greets me at a run at daycare yelling "Mummy!", how he tackles me for a hug, asks for kisses, and recently came up with the phrase "Mummy's funny". Just this evening, he said "tank ewe", after weeks of trying to exemplify good manners (it's hard for me...). Good times.

11:15 PM  
Blogger Alley Cat said...

Ok, here is my brag: With the exception of maybe 10 times, my daughter has slept through the night every night since she was 3 weeks old. You know what else? My mom WANTS to babysit every Saturday night.

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad--nay, lucky to have a partner, The Woo, who comes home from work and takes over with the kids COMPLETELY. Some of the stay-at-home moms I know aren't as lucky.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

11:49 PM  
Blogger hautemama said...

It's just so fun to bitch isn't it? I try and stay positive in my blog...it's just too easy to be negative.

The fact that I've made the journey of motherhood four times is testimony to the fact that it's been the most liberating, exhilirating and joyous undertaking..the best thing I've ever done!

1:27 AM  
Anonymous mk said...

Thank you for such a positive and I think supportive post of all this good things! I agree that some of the bad things that happen, frustration, funny situations etc probably bring more talk around a post, but I love reading the happy posts and the cute posts and just about anything that my favoirte and relatable bloggers write! I write pretty much the goods and the bads of mommyhood as a way to share my excitment and frustration. I am so glad someone else feels the same way!

Cheers!

11:11 AM  
Blogger jen said...

ah. thanks for the reminder...i've been more down than up lately.

if I can brag...M puts herself to bed. climbs into her crib, and sleeps for 11 or 12 hours. every night unless she's sick. i know how lucky that makes me.

and this too: i've never loved something more. it's a discovery i make every single day.

Thanks, Met.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous krista said...

Aw, that's nice. I write about the good stuff too. I think it's equally important to write about both.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Great idea!!

My husband is the most amazing dad, he helps 50-50 with all the household and childcare duties.

My older daughter is doing very well in Hooked on Phonics and is now reading simple books.

My little girl gets everyone smiling and laughing. She is just the cutest little thing.

I love being a mom, every day. It's the most amazing job.

11:45 AM  
Blogger scarbie doll said...

This isn't at all meant to be narcissistic, just want to show the same thoughts through a different head. I wrote about this a while back after reading an article in slate. http://scarbiedoll.blogspot.com/2006/06/let-debate-begin_19.html

I am guilty of both ends of the spectrum. Blogging is therapy, so bitching is necessary to relieve stress. But I love to write about the first pee pee on the potty too. Some months you find a balance between the positive and the negative, others not so much. The problem is, much like your friends would prefer the asshole stories about your high school boyfriend, the readers LOVE the downer stuff. The biggest bloggers are HUGE because of their ability to admit that motherhood can suck. To be able to come out and admit that we're not perfect -- that was sorta revolutionary.

But yes, it's important to paint motherhood in a better light without lying about the darker side. Sorry to hijack your comments.

1:21 AM  
Anonymous Izzy said...

You want to hear the good stuff? No problem!

My daughter (age 6) has slept like an absolute dream since she was about 4 months old. She is the best helper and absolutely loves my son as if he were her own baby. She's also extremely bright and has more or less taught herself to read and write 3 months into kindergarten while most of her classmates are still learning to write their names.

My son (17 months) naps for almost three hours every morning and sometimes takes another hour long nap before dinner.

: )

6:14 PM  
Anonymous Naomi said...

I hear you on the sleeping thing. But be careful...my son is a good 11-12 hour nighttime sleeper...until he isn't, and then he howls and cries. He even slept through the birth of my second son (at home).

Ahh...to sleep..but I digress..>I like the idea to write about positives...It's now on my list of posts!

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