metro mama

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Number Two

I always thought we’d start trying for Number Two when Number One was about a year old.

Well, Cakes is a year old. When someone has the nerve to ask when we’ll start trying for Number Two I laugh at them.

I have absolutely no desire to make another baby yet.

I feel alone in this sentiment. My buddies with whom I went through the first pregnancy are mostly excited about the second.

Just thinking about it makes me feel nauseous.

I know there are reasons. I hated being pregnant (I also hate it when women tell me how much they loved being pregnant and that they miss it. Are you kidding me?) Cakes’ birth was rough, and I’m still getting over it emotionally. I feel light-headed when I think about it. Yet, I know other moms who experienced difficult births and they jumped back on the horse.

I’ve only just begun to feel like jumping my husband again.

The good thing is, S. and I agree about waiting for the second. He found the past year equally hard. We finally feel normal again. Cakes is a blast. We are sleeping. We’ve gotten the move over with. We have a social life again. I feel sexy again. I have time to read and write (barely). We’re not ready to give all that up.

We’ve even considered not even trying for Number Two (but decided we probably will).

Many people think kids are much better off if they have siblings and they’re close in age. Does that make us selfish for not wanting to provide that?

If there are any other moms who feel this way, I’d love to hear from them!



Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

We're currently wrestling with this one - we think we want a #2, but are we ready? Will we ever be? Haven't sorted it out yet...

I think that whatever feels best for you is what's best for the family. I liked having a sister, but every only child I know had a wonderful childhood that they wouldn't change.

(Thanks for your comments chez moi. Do let me know if you ever want to hang in the basement.)

11:08 PM  
Blogger Gabriella said...

You're not alone out there in feeling this way. My daughter is 9 1/2 mths and people are always asking us when's #2 coming? Whattttt...I've barely gotten used to #1 yet! The last 9mths have been pretty hard, I can't imagine bringing in another baby into our world just yet (or perhaps ever). A happy baby is one with a happy mom, so if only one child makes you happy it's ok. Perhaps because I'm an only child myself and my childhood was great. But don't feel selfish for not bringing in another baby into the picture. There's no such thing as having an unhappy child because he/she is an only child or their sibling is much younger than they are.
Hope this helps!

11:24 AM  
Blogger bubandpie said...

It took us a year to get pregnant with Bub, so I felt like I didn't want to squander any eggs. And I didn't - managed to catch the second one and turn it into the Pie. We found out we were pregnant two days before Bub's first birthday, and it was a shock. There are lots of things to like about having them this close together (and one of the main ones, I think, is that I didn't have time to get used to things being remotely back to normal again). But it's hard being pregnant with a toddler who's still young enough to need to be carried a lot. And most of all I missed out on getting to share the anticipation with my child. Bub was too young to have any clue that a sibling was arriving. Little girls can be sooo cute and excited to welcome a sibling - it's worth it to wait a bit longer so that Cakes can really enjoy it.

12:06 PM  
Blogger crazymumma said...

We have a 4 year gap between our girls.
Reasons being mostly that our relationship REALLY crashed, many reasons why including lack of libido (me)and more on that nasty issue later...., total change of life (both of us). Needless to say, we both feel that having children was the BEST thing that ever happened to us. I know so many couples who have decided on one child for a variety of reasons. Or decided on more children for other reasons. Cakes will be happy with anything you give her.
Don't feel pressured by other what is right for YOUR family because nobody else is living your life.
PS How is your Dad?
Cheers Anne

9:56 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Thank-you for your comments ladies!

AC: Dad is doing great. He went home yesterday. We're taking Cakes for another visit in a couple of days.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I was an only child, and we've struggled with this same question. (I had a post about a month or so ago about it, and got lots of great advice, by the way.)

We are planning to try for #2 sometime this summer or fall. That way Cordy will be close to 3. At 3 years old, many kids go to preschool at least part-time, and they are capable of some of the tasks of taking care of themselves. A friend of mine spaced her kids this way, and it worked out very well for them. Her son could sit at his table and eat his lunch without help while she tended to the baby. Also, 3 year olds love to help out.

11:34 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh good lord, I am so amazed at all the women whospace their kids two years apart. Pumpkinpie is just over two and I CANNOT IMAGINE!!! I am thinking IF we have another, it will be when she's around four. One is hard enough at this point.

And BTW - where in Riverdale are you? That's my neck of the woods-ish!

5:49 PM  
Blogger metro mama said...

Actually, we're more accurately the Film District area. Where are you? Drop me an email if you prefer!

5:55 PM  
Blogger petite gourmand said...

oh I so hear you.
you just described my personal dilemma.
deciding IF and when to have #2 in some ways seems more difficult that having the first baby.
I guess you just have to follow your instincts.
I'm thinking that if we ever take the plunge again,
it might be more manageable if there is at least a 3 year gap between siblings.
but what do I know?
good luck with your decision.

10:03 PM  
Blogger cinnamon gurl said...

I also think about this. My son is only 7 1/2 months and my husband still says he just can't even think about another one yet. I have always figured I wanted more than one but the other day I found myself thinking maybe it would be ok just to have one. And I'm a long way off being ready to shift my focus from Ezra to another little one.

Incidentally, my siblings are 6 and 8 years older than me and we get along great (I was a surprise).

7:31 PM  

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